Procrastination

I procrastinate.
I am NOT proud of it.
I find it a very irritating quality in myself.

If there were a line drawn separating whimsy and discipline, I, like most people, would fall in the region along the line and some distance into each side. Most people would fall, break a leg, and stay right there most of their lives, moving just a little from where they landed. Or that's what I think. I, on the other hand, will be found dancing in complex involutes and epicycloids and lissajous curves across said band of region. I believe in discipline. I believe in free spirited whimsy too. Both are essential.

However, procrastination, while stemming from a lack of discipline, is not whimsy either. And it is insidious, sneaking in and waving bright red and yellow flags around things you want to see, as opposed to things you need to see. And once you turn your face, it freezes you in position.

Ironically, I tend to be rather productive when I'm peaking in procrastination. It's like if I am avoiding doing A, I avoid it not by simply not doing A, but by not having time to do A, because I'm too busy doing other necessary things like B and then C and then D... Productive, though not in the ideal direction.

In fact, at all important times, I have discovered new hobbies, found new interests, done really interesting things, or at worst, read/saw a good series of books/TV. These include, over the past few years, discovering Orkut and bumping into school friends not seen in years, finding and downloading comic books online, torrent downloads, discovering graphic novels, Napster(yes, Napster! way back when!) Lucifer, Sandman, Facebook, Grey's Anatomy, Instructables, Foundation, Classical Music, ProjectW, Cooking, Xanth, the Wandering Minstrels, Bones, Prison Break, Fables, XKCD, and more...
(As I previewed this post, I realized what I had just written. At all important times, I have been procrastinating.)

However, as cool and enriching all of these were, I still need to get things done. So I hope to dance rather more around the discipline side of the line, while holding on to my whimsy and directing my chaotic energies in a more orderly fashion. I hope to stop procrastinating, whether it is out of laziness, or fear, or simply inertia. Whatever. Which brings me to the point which I have been aiming to make all this long. Its a quote from Grey's Anatomy which kicked me square on my butt, because I realized how true it was. Here goes.

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

Writing

Writing. I like writing. So, what's my problem ? Apart from being a champion procrastinator, that is. I dunno. Reader, please comment. You know me (to some degree or other).

Here's what I want my writing to be. I want it to be a pleasure to read. I want it to reflect the wit I have. Those who know me closely will not deny that I am witty. And if they do, then my writing issues plunge considerably in rank.

I appreciate brevity. I like the short cutting slash, rather than the extended pounding into powder. I think I ramble too much. Do you think I ramble too much ? Do I need a scissor-happy editor, or at least, turn into one myself occasionally ? (Poe-person, pray ponder and pronounce !)

I use all those other keys on the keyboard that few other use - the semicolon, the colon, the hyphen. And what's more - I may be mistaken (or may be not) - I am pretty sure I know how to use them. And yet, I tend to abuse the brackets (abuse, in the sense of over-use, not in the sense of depraved sexual acts(A bracket ? I wonder what rule 34 has brought forth (let us so NOT go there) ) ) While this last example was a bit extreme (and reminded me of days when I coded C++), you get the idea. So does my overuse of brackets add to my rambling ? Is it worth the humor ?

At which point, I am reminded of something one of my best friends once said (and which, upon searching for, I can't find, so I'll just approximate), "If you knew how much I had to work at my humor, you wouldn't find it so funny."

(Mr. Musing, when you come across this, and if you still remember, post up the original in the comments.)

Before I started writing this blog, I hadn't written anything for quite a few years. Any prose, that is. I've kept playing around with verse, and my verse is a bit better. (And for those who know of my baking skills, you will realize that I usually stuck for batter and for verse !)
I did write a little, but very little. I'll put up an example I unearthed today later. I avoided writing because - this sounds whacked off, I know - I couldn't stop. Allow me to explain. I used to keep a diary. But I would end up putting in each and every little thing that happened that day, and it would go on and on. Imagine going to bed at 11pm and not sleeping till 1am because you simply couldn't stop, couldn't disregard, couldn't ignore one tiny thing that skipped the attentions of your pencil. It was frustrating, and I couldn't stop. It became so bad after a while that I had a "complete diary" entry in my To-Do list, because I had just jotted down events and decided I couldn't write about them just then, as it was too late, and so would complete it across the weekend or something. Ofcourse, I never did. I still have the diaries, with blank pages and barely legible jotting-loaded margins. Several times I decided to forget the 'Daily Diary' and just write up on events and happenings in my life free style. Never got around to do that either (did I mention procrastination?)

Occasionally, cleaning out my closet, I come upon the diaries. Some entries open a window to the past, to incidents I can't forget, or cant't remember, but gain an insight on anyway, looking through the eyes of a much younger me. Some, on the other hand, are just insipid happennings that I wrote down for the heck of. Eitherways, I'm still glad for whatever I did put down.

Which is why I want to write this blog. Because when I look back from some point in time, I want to be able to know how I felt about things, and which were the things I felt about. So that I can see where I came from, and where I went, and what I found down those paths, and how it changed me and how I changed it.

Jabbering.. Wock ?

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

-Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carroll

And that is a better opening than:

Hello World !

And those are my first stumbling words in.. blogland ? blogspace ? blogworld ? blogeria ? what is it called anyway ? (that was the stumble, in case you missed it!)

The other option was 'Fiat Lux', but that would have been rather too melodramatic(even by my standards), and also rather difficult to live up to. Anyway, I'm supposed to be sailing the night. Fiat Lux would be very ironic.
(What's Fiat Lux, you ask me ? Nothing about cars. Or soaps. Or a combination thereof. Go Google it.)

Why blog ?
If you asked me this in person, and if I found you the least bit irritating, I'd just retort "Why not ?" However, I'll rein myself in a bit, and tell you, "Coz I want to. So there."
OK, really... Why blog ?
Because I like to talk about things I like.
Because I like explaining things (whether they need explaining or not is a different argument)
Because I want to share stuff I find interesting.
Because I feel like passing comments and making observations on life and the universe. (OK, and everything, too. I just didn't want it to sound like.. well, if you know, then it still does and if you don't then it doesn't matter)
Because I tend to have many interests. Too many. And because there are so many of these things, these seeds of interest, some grow for a while, some bear fruit, and some die off unattended. So in this place - mixing metaphors with a giant blender - I bookmark seeds. OK, a point of interest. You get it.
Because need a place to put things in. Like the list of things I'm likely to blog about, which will (probably) follow.
And because I want to remind myself of things. Like a diary of sorts, but not about 'Today I did..' Not mostly, anyway. Like taking a thin slice off the present, preserving it to look at years from now, and reminding myself of who I was, or gaining new insights on old memories. Distance does tend to improve perspective.

What's this blog going to be about ?
Well... anything I feel like. It IS my blog, after all. I decide what to put in. Anything that catches my fancy (Recall aforementioned multitudinous interests).
Now that we have established that you may find anything under the sun(and above, around, inside, etc) here, being talked about, analyzed, commented upon, or otherwise generating text, a few vague pointers.
In no particular order, (feelin lazy, I just ransacked my Orkut page!)
Reading, Photography, Traveling, Trekking, Graphics, Sculpturing, Cooking, Languages, Writing, Poetry, Swimming, Stargazing, Astro-Photography, Painting, Mythology, Mathematics, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Music, Events, People, and lots more...
if I get on with this properly, you will see.

I will try that posts will get better with time. I had to make this beginning, if only for nothing apart from just that. Making a beginning. Procrastination is an old if unloved acquaintance.
Comments, criticisms, witticisms, all welcome.

Since I still haven't decided how public this is going to be and to whom all am I going to send a link, I cant address anyone in particular.(And that will be after a few posts anyway. Can't invite people to an empty gallery.)
Either way, hope you enjoy this place whatever brings you here.

Cheers!

Edit: Looks like the opening lines are even more apt. I searched for a picture of Jabberwocky, to see how to go about uploading pics here, and I'd completely forgotten that the creature, while being quite a weird-shit, is also mostly dragon, 'cept for his face. As anyone who knows me will tell you (I hope so, at least) that Dragons are a major interest of mine !!!